I don�t really think anyone reads this anymore but I�m writing anyway. I really am in love with Ryan and I want to marry him. I hope he doesn�t get embarrassed that I�m writing this for anyone who wants to, to read it. I also hope he doesn�t get freaked out but I don�t think he will. Anyway�I don�t know what I was thinking when I moved away. I guess I thought he might move eventually too. Maybe he is still trying. But I don�t really like this place and I sort of want to leave anyway. I don�t like the new job. Not my type of work at all�I don�t know why my employer ever thought that I would be a good candidate for the position. But I am trying to give it time�I may need to adjust. I am still learning which makes the work frustrating especially when I need more training. It�s like, �here you go, try and figure it out.� That doesn�t work for me�I don�t teach myself well. I need someone to help me learn. Wow, if my employer ever found this site and figured out who I am I would be in trouble. So when I�m with Ryan it is like everything is ok. He makes me so happy. When he left the other day it was horrible. It was like everything turned bad. I sound obsessed but really I�m not crazy�I hope. Crap�.I forgot to call the electric company and cancel my account!!! And I forgot to send the stuff back to my old apartment�crap, crap, crap!!!